Lazy Car Dealer

A friend has an ancient Vauxhall Calibra that is covered in brambles, and Alan agrees to buy it for £150 without seeing it. The car is in a poor state, and even worse, it's full of spiders, which Alan is afraid of. And that's just one of many issues.

Alan cooks up an idea for a new vehicle his band can use to play gigs away from his barn, and takes Nick on a trip to buy a bizarre Volvo limo. Knowing that the Volvo will never be sold, they try to make some cash on an original Vauxhall Astra.

Alan is commissioned to find a new pace car for the local track, and a Honda CR-V fits the bill. Back at the farm, a hearse is found to be too rusty underneath to turn a profit, so Alan decides that it's destined for the track as well, but as a race car.

Alan is given two free cars, although Nick suspects they mean trouble. A Peugeot hatchback only needs a starter motor to be a guaranteed profit. A Nissan Micra may well be beyond repair, but Alan hopes it will be in good condition.

Alan is at a nearby farm when he spies a rotten Triumph that has been abandoned. Once Nick sees it, he confirms there is money in it, but once Nick finds the paperwork, Alan loses all interest in selling the car for profit -- he wants to keep it forever.

Alan picks up a cheap Jaguar diesel, but when the AC isn't working, he gets the radical idea to cut the roof off and make it a convertible. Nick fixes a six-wheeled mini tractor, and while out buying parts, he finds a motorbike that's perfect for Alan.

Nick hears that a Renault 4 van has come on the market. Alan has already said he wants to buy it, so Nick has no choice but to go collect it despite its poor condition. Also, Alan and Nick pick up an ancient Mobylette, a quirky and valuable vintage moped.

Nick cooks up a plan to make Alan buy a car he'll never keep -- a three-wheeled Reliant Robin. The plan backfires when Alan drives the car and falls in love. Then Alan pulls two old Reliants out of the field for a "tortoise vs. hare" showdown.

After Nick makes a joke about wanting a mobility scooter with a huge V8 when he gets old, he and Alan search the farm for scooters they can fix up and sell. Then Alan has an idea. Why not do a jousting tournament on the scooters before they are sold?

Alan hates getting rid of cars, but he knows some are too far gone to sell. He also knows that he'll get the same scrap value for cars in pieces as he will for ones that are whole, so he builds a huge ramp and aims to make some of his clunkers fly.