The Half Hour

Liza Treyger talks about her future as a party animal, the dangerous side effects of weird penises and how difficult it is for her to get laid because of her standards.

Hampton Yount explains why he thinks that the Olympics are racist, reveals how to deal with conspiracy theorists and describes why he can't wait to get divorced.

Michelle Buteau reveals how she met her husband and explains what it's like to be married to a white European man.

Barry Rothbart describes home life with his girlfriend and the ill effects of his disgusting diet.

Brooks Wheelan imagines what would happen if he panicked onstage, explains how he learned about the Internet and tells the story of a prank gone painfully awry.

Andy Woodhull describes the perks of marrying a single mom, getting lice from his stepchildren, female farts and the time his dog ate all his condoms.

Randy Liedtke takes a phone call, plays a voicemail, wonders how soon is too soon to eat pizza after someone dies and talks about his girlfriend, who may or may not be real.

Beth Stelling describes the weird aspects of being a female comic, her mother's struggle with phone companies and why she loves "The Bachelor."

Sam Morril talks about what we should be teaching children, nonsensical homophobia, the repercussions of telling controversial jokes and surprise orgies.

Joe List discusses coping with anxiety in yoga class, aggressive sex, strange male-bonding rituals and his uncle's questionable babysitting methods.

Sean Donnelly acknowledges his looks, talks about why he has a hard time losing weight and reveals what marriage has taught him.

Phil Hanley talks about everything from living with his parents as an adult to moving to New York City from Canada to the difficulties of dating.

Tone Bell explains why he doesn't want to meet his cousin's baby, reveals why he can't smoke weed and tells a story about a bank that doesn't take cash.

Andrew Santino translates bird mating calls, explains what you should never do in a bar bathroom and reveals why most traffic laws are stupid.